


The Hell Within

by felisblanco



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-11-06
Updated: 2004-11-06
Packaged: 2018-10-19 21:52:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10648776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/felisblanco/pseuds/felisblanco
Summary: Spike's in the basement, losing his mind.





	The Hell Within

**Author's Note:**

> A depressing little story written for Liz. Cos it's all about the angst, baby. I was just gonna call it Insano!Spike but that didn't sound classy enough. So here you get...

‘Poor little William got lost in the dark. Fell into a deep, deep well and now he will never see the sun again.’

So cold. So cold. The spark is so bright it makes the whole world black. A void of silent voices screaming, screaming, screaming...

‘Murderer! Monster!’

No! Not me! I didn’t. I would never… Tell them it’s not true! Mother? Mum? Mummy?

‘Mummy’s gone. Away, away into the wind she blew. Nothing but dust.’

Nothing but centuries of guilt, guilt, guilt… Forever and ever and ever and ever and…

“Spike?”

Someone is calling. No! I can’t hear them. I won’t! Who are they calling for anyway? My name is William. William… something. I can’t remember. I am a good man. A proper man. I am my mother’s son. I am...

“Spike!”

Go away! Let me be. I’m busy. I am writing a poem for my love.

_Sweet as sunshine **Dark as night**  
Sparkling laughter **Vicious bite**_

No, that can’t be…

_Heaving bosom **Marble skin**  
Tender touches **Thrusting in**_

No, no…

_Eyes that sparkle **Glow like fire**  
Sweet Cecily **Sire. Sire. Sire!**_

No! Shut up! Be quiet! It’s not true, it’s not true. It’s all wrong and evil and Heaven and Hell were battling in my heart as he took me. Pain and pleasure. Painful pleasure. God, I love him.

No!

Hate him, hate him. This is all his fault. He made me a monster and now I made the monster a man. An evil, evil, bad man.

“Please, Spike. Look at me.”

Please. I remember ‘please’.

‘Please don’t hurt me.’ ‘Please don’t kill me.’ ‘Please spare my child.’

Please, oh please. Do that again. Harder, faster. Please. Touch me, take me, fuck me. Please, please, please…

The earth is trembling, the grounds are opening. I will not go gently into that good night! I will not go gently...

I’m so scared. Why aren’t you here? You said you would always be here. You said you would always…

“He’s been like this since I found him. I don’t even think he knows we’re here.”

Oh, I know. I know you’re trying to trick me, trying to make me see you, hear you. But I will not be seduced. You are not real. This is not real. I am not real. Not real. Not real.

Can I wake up now please? I don’t like this dream. It scares me and there are monsters everywhere.

‘ _You_ are the monster, William!’

No! Not me, not me. I am a good man, I am…

“Spike! Stop it! You’re hurting yourself. Spike! Snap out of it! God, why do you have to be so difficult?”

Oh, that’s funny. That’s so, so funny. Laughter. Bubbling inside me. Then outoutout...

I can’t stop, I can’t... breathe! Breathe! Breathe! Stop shaking me! Stop hitting me! I can’t breathe! I can’t breathe! I can’t...

“Stop it! What the hell do you think you’re doing? Let him go.”

Breathe! Breathe! Breathe! Breathe!

“Will, you don’t need to breathe. Remember? God, what happened to you?”

Don’t need to...? I don’t need to breathe. How could I forget that? I don’t need to breathe. Why do I not need to breathe?

“Will, it’s ok. I’m here now. I’ve got you.”

Holding me. So strong. Here. He’s here. The whole world smells of blood and tears and dirt and moonlight. But he, he smells of...

“You smell like fish.”

My voice is raw. Was I screaming? But he’s laughing and he holds me tight and then he kisses me.

“Well, you smell like rat.”

Smiling. Smiling but my lips turn down and quiver and tears are falling like rain.

“Sshh... it’s all right. I’m here. I’ll never let you go.  I’ll never let you...”

Dark, dark, dark and cold. Poor little William all alone.

I can still taste the salt on my tongue.

 

Fin. 


End file.
